Hair

It's just typical of me to name a blog post after one of Gaga's songs, Which I love! HERE IT IS! And for Elizabeth's Sake, I should say HAIR IT IS!

This post is about my hair! WOOP! Lately I was thinking. I LOVE MY HAIR! With any luck I'll end up like either of my grandparents and Never lose all of my hair.No man as far back as 3 generations in my family has lost a great deal of his hair. Lucky for me. Some people may not understand how awesome hair is. So today we'll be taking a little trip into my bathroom!WOOO!

Today the topic is MY HAIR!

 This is my majestic auburn hair in it's truly natural state. Without products and after a night's sleep. Most morning upon waking up with product from the day before in my hair. I'm already ready. Apparently my nocturnal movements try an avoid messing up my hair too much. I hate this hair. It's boring and it's not ME! However I'd rather have this as my morning hair than waking up and looking in the mirror to see a giant wad of CURLY hair on my head. LOL at Elizabeth and John. I remember as a child being told that eating the crusts of my bread made my hair go curly...Hmmm, guess who didn't start eating crusts until P7.

These are my sexy shower products.I adore Tresemme simply because of the amazing smell.I LOVE IT. I am finally back to tresemme. Not many people know that you should change your hair products every 6 months and if you're between the ages of 13-22 or so you need to change about once every 2-3 months or so. So it's back to Tresemme time! Quite frankly I love washing my hair. Seems weird/sad but I find it abnormally fun. Your hair is like clay, you can mould it to almost any shape as you will find out in the upcoming photos. Being a Product whore is a perfect match for my mother working in Boots, Discount + Mother paying = Me not paying = Happy Me. I have tried and used a ridiculous number of shampoo and to be honest, 80% are the same. 10% actually work extremely well and the other 10% make your hair that awful kind of clean. SQUEAKY CLEAN! You may or may not know what squeaky clean is, it's where your hair actually squeaks when you rub your hands through it when it's wet. It's horrid. Jordan knows what I mean. We've discussed this.

  Ummm...This is Satan evidently. It begin out of boredom that I started styling my hair. Then I left the shower and got my camera to save a picture for some reason. When I took it my finger half covered the camera and resulted in this dark kinda creepy lighting. So no, my bathroom lighting isn't that scary. I am reallly not sure what's wrong with my jaw, it's all out of line. This picture gets scarier the more you look at it. Well at least we know I'd make a pretty cool demon? Moving on....

 This is snazzy Rocker James. If you are unnerved by these photos and the amount of skin showing it may comfort you to know that I did put on underwear. This is no worse than seeing me at the pool. Which I'm not saying is exactly a pleasant thing but still.
Anyways, this is Rocker James. It does kinda remind me of something that Gareth Graham would paint/draw. Simply because of the hair and the pose. To be honest this picture was an accident I had my finger on the button and I think I thought I was about to sneeze but I didn't and accidentally took this photo instead but I thought it looked snazzy so her it is! My hair is rather long.... I didn't think it was...Oh well. more to play with!

Below we have Ninja James, I normally spend 75% of my time messing about, 15% shaving and 10% of the time backstroke shaving to get that smooth as a baby seals bottom feel. Apparently it's weird that I use 4 different products on my skin when shaving...

It so isn't...it's cool. My skin is crappy enough without them so shush. Also I am as I have mentioned before a product whore.

My nose looks really big LOL. I spend too much time playing. LOL at John! My imagination gets stronger with age! Hence my weird children. I'm rather glad I'll never truly grow up. My 2 worst fear about growing up is losing my imagination and being hairy. Both scare me. This picture actually progress to me wearing a black scarf amount my face and pretending to be a ninja some more.

 To the Right we have "Unshaven James"
AKA:
Creepy Neckbeard James
and
Sex offender Beard

To the Left we have Suave Shaven James
AKA:
Sexy McSexington
and
*passes out from awesomeness*

Left: Here we have me with Gaga. Sexy duck pose! My hair is a side parting SEXY SEXY SIDE PARTING. JORDAN, We all know how Jordan loves Partings in general.
Right: Semi-smoulder
hair was random mess style, but looks awesome none the less.
Oh look John, That is how to pull of a Cardigan. YEOO!

Left: The Same side parting as seen above. However this photo is completely different because my eye brow is slightly raised, giving it's a sleazy quality.

Right: Dr Who Matt Smith hair. My hair is too short for it to be just as awesome and it's wet so I just look greasy. I look a bit traumatised for some reason.

Leftt: THE WAVE! This is what happens if you use a rounded comb and watchyay for distractions


Right: The famous Quiff, my latest hairstyle only to be stolen and models everywhere are using it. I still use it but not as much. Once it gets popular, move on.

The final 2
Left:What is left my my flick, it used to be much more prominent when my hair was longer but alas those days are over.
Right: I have named this character Malcolm, He lives with his mother and is also a serial killer, He gets angry one day when he cuts his hand on a can of tuna for the cat and then progresses to strangle the cat then knifes his mother.

That is all we have on hair. HAIR HAIR HAIR. Fantastic hair.I apologise if you got bored but I did originally take 98 photos. Many of those were me pretending to be various characters, like pirates and Santa. Things you do not need to see. Well that's all from me and my hair!

Yours hairily
James

Deepest desires- The Final 3

The Final 3! DUN DUN DUN (Go away orchestra!)

#11 I want to be famous.
 As mentioned in a previous post, one of my greatest fears is to die and not leave my mark on the earth. My dream way to do this is to become famous, I'm not quite sure how to go about it. I'd hate to be famous for being famous. Like Paris Hilton famous, that's not fame girl! THAT'S JUST SLEAZE! Anyways, that's besides the point. The most likely is to become famous in the fashion industry. Which would be good however being famous in the fashion industry rarely makes you famous to anyone outside of the designated fashion areas. There are many types of fame, something which people forget. It is rarely the case where you're famous enough to be known by everyone. for example. Film fame, many many people would know you but the likes of Elizabeth would barely remember your face. Fashion fame, Jordan doesn't even know who Anna Wintour is. Novel fame, You not only rarely see the authors face but if you're not a reader then you're not likely to know the author in the slightest. Science fame, Very few people know Boltzmann, an extremely successful scientist who brought us very useful discoveries and died surrounded by family on his death bed. Anyways, the sad this is that I will never be known by everyone. Good thing is that I'll never be forgotten. Woop!

#12 I want to never have to sleep.
I've been thinking about this one more and more. I'd be able to get sooo much done if I never needed to sleep. Think of all the COD I could play! Joke! Cod is a joke. I highly doubt I would be any more proficient in my studies however I will humour myself by telling myself of all the revision I could get done at night. To be honest, if it happened right now. I never needed to sleep again I'm pretty sure I'd mess around for about a year at night time. Then try using it productively, that would last about a week. Then instead I'd just lie in bed at night close my eyes and wait until morning like some sort of horrific Dracula monster.

#13 The final one. I want to have children.
I would love to have children. This may come as a surprise to those how only know my affiliation with children is strenuous to say the least. It annoys me that anyone is allowed to have children. I'm not saying I want to carry out some Hitleresque eugenics. I simply find it irritating that there are people in the world who want children and can't have them, meanwhile somewhere else in the world people are raising their 20 children to be racists and sectarians and homophobes. This is a topic that would drive me mad. Especially in Kilkeel when we can see people who under other circumstances had a different upbringing would be highly productive members of society. There is also the minor problem of this:

Things like this scare me. There is a slight chance now that these 2 will be able to procreate and have children worse than themselves. If there was a sign that the next generation would be free or even less plagued by social monstrosities such as those found in the area of Mourne I'd be happy. Anyway, that was a massive tangent. As i have mentioned to a few close friends before, if I were to have children they'd end up being the strangest children on the face of the earth. Other than their killer good looks and their vibrant intellect they'd be freaks. QUOTE from the future!

"Excuse me...Where do you think you're going Missy?!?
"Ummmm...out?"
"And where is your clown costume at?"
"UHHH! DAD! You know I prefer going out in my meat dress on Tuesdays!"
END QUOTE

Personally I'd simply love to meet my children due to the fact I'd assume they'd be like me. A thought of mine can be summed up in a postcard from Postsecret this week.

I can't wait to meet you children! See you..some day.. BYE BBZ!
Talking to unborn children.

That is all from my 13 things posts. Tune in next time with my next post "Hair"

Yours cravingly
James

SORT IT OUT PEOPLE!

OK, it looks like our little blogging community needs to evolve. Not even in the pokemon sense. We read blog posts and write blog posts and rarely here feedback or discussion. However recently I've realised how much I'd like this not to be the case. I'd love to go onto blogger and see a comment once in a while. However one of the reasons I believe people couldn't be bothered writing comments on posts is because of CAPTCHA! The awful awful bot preventing device that we have to type semi-fictional words into. My last comment was on Jorman's blog post where I had to type in the word BLECH? REALLY? This irritates me so much because it can be prevented. I am now going to teach you all how to turn it off!!!

1) Go to your blog.
2) Click Design.
3)Click Settings
4)Select "Comments"
5) Scroll down to the bottom to here:

6) At "Show word verification for comments?" select no
7) Click Save Setting
8) Get comments from the lazier people!

PLEASE DO THIS! CAPTCHA IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING EVER! However if we finally move past this I don't want credit for this. It was Claudia how originally mentioned it, she made me get rid of mine. She asked us to do this AGES ago even if she doesn't remember.

More wishlist bbz!

Might as well dive right in!
6# I want all of my friends to be happy once they leave me. This may seem an unusually selfless wish however you are mistaken. I'm kinda worried that at some point in my future one of my friends ends up a failure and then asks to move in with me and then I have to help them get back on their feet. Yes it does have the makings of the world's greatest rom com but I'd find it a major inconvenience to be honest. So a word of warning. You may stay with me in your darkest hours but don't expect me to be happy about it.

#7 I'd love a bus! (and to have my drivers license). Quite frankly I think buses are as cool as bow ties. Can you imagine cruising down the M1 in my bus, swerving gracefully as buses do between lanes at 200mph as buses also do. Naturally I'd have to redesign the inside to look like the inside of a whale and the outside would also look whalesque. I would call my bus either "The RoadWhale" or else the Henrietta. Perhaps I'd go really crazy and call it "Henrietta the RoadWhale."

This is an example. My RoadWhale will be 12 times larger, naturally but will look equally as ridiculous

#8 Some form of superpower. Quite frankly I loathe super powerful superheroes. Think they're so awesome, WELL YOUR NOT! I think their compensating for something; like the inability to roll their tongue and the like; or the ability to digest lactose. Yes I am insinuating that Powerful superheroes are lactose intolerant...Anyways, I do have a simple but powerful superpower in mind. The power to make people fall asleep instantly. It sounds crap until you think about it. Headlines "The world falls asleep", as is natural to my nature I would not be a superhero, I'd be a super villain! Can you seriously imagine me saving people because I enjoy it?
*SCENARIO*
"Oh thank you mysterious stranger for saving me!"
"Ahem..."*cough cough* *rubs fingers together for tip*
"You want me to pay you?! but you're a superhero?"
"Correction, I'm a superhero/student."
"I can't believe this?!!? This is extortionate!"
"...And this is execution" MWAH HA HA HA! *drops victim from top of building*
*END SCENARIO*

Moving on from my crooked ways...
#9 My own portable Orchestra
This became one of my desires ever since leaving the petrol station in Emma's Car with Jordan and insanely dramatic music playing. Dramatic music makes everything so much more intense and therefore awesome! Imagine it! Running for your bus, *DUN DUN DUN DUN!*; Just remembering your have forgotten to do something important *DUN DUN DUN!*; walking your dog, *DUN DUN DUN!*; putting a chicken in the oven, *DUN DUN DUN* trying to sleep *DUN DUN DUN DUN!*   
...
I retract this wish. It just seems really annoying.

#10 A working Spell Checker on blogger. STOP BEING SO CRAP! I HAVE TO MAKE SURE I DON'T MISPELL THINGS NOW MYSELF!

Tune in next time for the final and most important countdown of my 3 final wishes!

Yours wishfully
James

Unlucky wishlist.

I know, I know. The world is coming to an end. I have posted 2 times in 2 days. The blogging community has picked up again (probably because we're meant to be revising)...(Well most of us are, *scowls at Claudia*). Anyway, I saw this on the twitter trends and decided not to clog up your twitter with it but to spam up your blogger instead.

#13 things I want.

This list will include the possible, the impossible and the uncontrollable.
#1 A pair of converse/hi tops in each colour of the rainbow.

I'd even love them if they were £4 gola hi tops. This is a realistic but highly desirable dream for me. I'm not sure if it's the versatility of being able to match my shoes to almost any of my clothes or simply the knowledge of knowing I have collected a rainbow range of hi tops. Either way it'd be pretty PIMPIN!

#2 Good Roomates at Halls.
I'm not scared of Alcoholics, or druggies or even vomit all over the place. However I am scared that I will be back in first year high school. Anyone who actually knew me back then was either Jordan, Mark, someone who hated me (59%) or someone who thought I was weird (remaining percentage). I would like to take this opportunity to point out that I have grown in no way any less weird, I am accepted by my school mates because the weird has infected them. Yes, it is true and is rather obvious. My weirdness and affiliation with the bizarre has become contagious and colonised many hosts. Exhibit A:

 I in no way claim to be the entire cause of the explosion of weirdness. Almost everyone has a little bit of weirdness inside of them I am simply the giant bizarre greenhouse that made such an environment as to allow the weirdness to flourish. TANGENT! Back to the topic on hand. I am aware that many of you fear what your next year of halls has in store for you. I am simply terrified of meeting people who don't get me. I am sure I can convert them to the bizarre and obscure but I'd rather not put in the effort. Besides, how normal can they be? I'll at least have the friends that I have tainted with an element of the strange close by anyways.

#3 This one may sound a bit unusual but sure. I'd love to design an outfit for big old Lady G. She'd basically accept anything so long as it was unique had an element of the bizarre and had a meaning behind it. Something I'm sure I could do easily. So if you're reading this Stefani get in touch bbz! Yes, I am 99% sure Lady Gaga will read this. how could she not read such an epic blog....*sigh*.

#4 To nearly win the lottery. If you know me you'll also know that when it comes to money I'm not the brightest at the whole financial side. It may sound stupid but the reason behind it is because I have this feeling deep down that at no point in my life will there be a moment where if I need money I won't have it. I don't mean that I'll necessarily be rich, I mean that I just never worry much about money and I'm pretty sure I never will. Even if I'm wrong I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that without the worry of money I'll not get as many wrinkles as the rest of you with your crater-esque worry lines! YEOOO!

#5 We've all heard my ramblings, we've all heard about the dreams. I want to own a boutique. I sometimes seriously think about it, mainly "If I don't do this now, I'll have to wait for my mid-life crisis." A little morbid but still it's true. It's actually an aspiration of mine that maybe I'll have the privilege to accomplish. I only mention this because I had another dream last night. Not of the boutique more of what will happen. I was in my living room and an old woman walked in, it was my mum only really old. She wanted to tell me what was going to happen. I'll start from the beginning. She began to tell me about the past. Alexander Mcqueen committed suicide in Feb 2010, 8 days after my 17 birthday. She told me the world's fashion industry would become dry and boring for 7 years until 2017 when I would rise up to replace the great loss of Alexander. I would go to uni for genetics and leave after my first year. Change to Fashion studies of some kind, in 2012. I complete a 4 year course taking us to 2016 then at the end of my course I immediately get a placement. In 2017 I release my first line and instantly become famous. After that I open my boutique on Saville Row called Half Moon. It ends there. There were other things but we'll not mention those now.I started to cry in the dream because I think my mum died instantly after she told me this. I'm not suite sure. Also the dates of when these happen weren't in the dream I worked those out in case you were thinking my dreams are insanely numerically accurate. I remember my last thought in that dream. "2017 is the year of the rooster. My sign!

I am aware that my recent posts have been long and , in my mind at least, tedious to read I'm sure. I shall continue the list at a further point. I simply hope that I have quenched your boredom for a while and try not to cry now that this post has ended another one will be posted in due course.

Yours desirably
James

Evolution is Real!

From the blue semi painted store room piled high with boxes of various paraphernalia and memories of my grandmother to a bright orange study brimming with life and creativity. Perhaps a little dramatic but this is probably the reason. When it comes to revision, every other task or idea seems to balloon out of proportion to a point where it seems not only stupid but completely illogical not to complete the task. My last week has consisted of procrastination in various outlets including making a chicken pie and cleaning my house. The grandest of all these tasks was the sudden need to clean out the store in the garage and claim the room as my own. This post shall roughly follow the events prior to this post from my point of view.

Day One. The task seems like a tremendous effort and a gratuitous amount of time is required to complete the task.

                                                    This is what I was working with.

The clear out had begun. Trashing rubbish; clearing out wine bottles (119 as I counted); and moving boxes into the attic. The whole process was coming along nicely until disaster strikes. In the attic as I lift my foot it caught on a nail on a  plank causing me to stumble. In an effort to stabilise myself I place my foot on the floor of the attic. A good idea when done on the spur of the moment. A bad idea when more thought is applied as the floor is made of plaster board. I had one thought as my foot broke through the plaster board, "This is gonna hurt." As I fell, One leg through the floor, the other through the hole the ladder goes through, I had another realisation. With gravity pulling me downwards and a large, and as I would soon find out hard, wooden beam now moving upwards between my legs it was not too long before certain, shall we say important, organs were in mortal danger. Skipping the gory detail we shall move on. I sat for a moment without pain. Then a familiar dull ache and several sharps daggers of pain shot from various locations of my lower half, namely my legs. I struggled free from straddling the wooden beam and staggered over to the wooden floor board. I lie down and die. After a minute the pain dies down a little. I sit there a little bewildered and my voice a few tones higher than normal and begin to laugh in an insane manner. I'm not sure if this is how I deal with pain but it seemed to ease it greatly. Moving on, the day ended with 2 outcomes: Firstly, the room was cleared and ready to paint. Secondly, the increased likelihood I will not be having children.

The following day I announce on twitter I shall require a painting buddy. Jordan passed the requirements and we would commence on Wednesday. I decide the room needs a white undercoat which I crudely apply to the wall. Wednesday comes around and Jordan and I set out to Knox's on an adventure. I know I want orange paint because with a brown carpet and a fantastic eye for colour from my fashion sense I know orange will look wonderful (not knowing that it would only look wonderful if it wasn't horrifically patchy). After some startling realisations on prices of paint I buy an extortionate pot of paint for nearly £23. Arriving home we discover that the same colour my brother used was the one we had bought. He has 2 thirds of a pot of paint leftover from painting his room. SCORE! Free paint. My mighty luck has conquered again, This total amount of paint was exactly enough to paint the room, leave some left over in case we need to top up some areas and to cover Jordan's hands.

                    Our magnificent work. This looks rather nice, but you can't really see the awful patches here.

With the walls orange-ificated, my new task was to varnish the doors. I varnished them and the door saddle. Many times later that day my mind would decide to forget about the newly varnished door saddle and allow me to step on it. I finally got it varnished and dried without my shoe print in it. VOILA!

                                                    Two of the sexist doors now in existence

Finally the room is ready to unveil. With some old furniture and a new sexily varnished window ledge the room looks stunning. It is not complete however, but little progress is likely to occur in the next while, hence this blog post is being written now rather than later. Here are some photos of my new Store.

Thus the never ending evolution of this room continues. It has reached this wonderful stage where I can stay in here without a gas mask. I have spent an awful lot of time in here. The chair is really comfy. If anyone has anything they'd love to donate to Mrs Store they are free to. Perhaps one day in the future Mrs Store will be full of life and laughter with the birth of a Store party? However such a thing is unlikely and dangerous if it were to threaten the container in any way. My humble store is nothing compared to the almighty pimped out container. However I am excited at the prospect of this little room. It is my baby and I will nurture it and it will be awesome! Well that is all for now and it's goodbye from me currently typing this up from the STORE! (Yup! I even get Internet out here! WOOP!)Thanks for reading bbz!

P.S This room is miles better than anything Laurence Llewelyn Bowen could make...

                                                                BIG SEXY LAURENCE!

Yours lovingly
James

I Wish I may, I wish I might.

With a combination of boredom and solitude I am compelled to blog in hope that other will blog to cure my boredom. I apologise if this blog seem selfish but may I remind you that I am not a person who you'd like to talk to if I get bored for too long. The stir crazy kicks in after a while. So, in pursuit of fun I am making a "Probably" once in a lifetime offer. I am offering 3 wishes to my minute number of readers. Comment below with your wish and if you're lucky enough it may some true.

Terms and Conditions of Wishes:
1)They must involve me, so no wishing to win the lottery.
2)They must be possible for me to do, so no wishing to win the lottery.
3)They must be able to be accomplished with minimal cost.
4) They must not cause too much damage or harm to anyone including myself. This includes emotional and physical harm.
5)One wish per person until the total wishes granted has reached a total of Three.
6) They are all subject to being declined if they are in violation of any of the terms above or if they are too
extreme.


There are my basic rules. I'm sure I won't even get 3 wishes written down but sure, It might kill some time. Finally I will leave you with this....

P.S. Yes I know...it's disturbing...
Yours magically
James