Evolution

Over the past few years I like to think I've changed, in almost every aspect, personality, mannerisms, like and dislikes, appearance etc. the only one of these that is measurable is appearance. Stealing Claudles' idea of photographic evidence for change. So here are some photos of me other the recent years. Don't feel bad for loling I lol'd too.

                                             Have some sexy moustache work going on here.

                                                            Looking happy with curly hair?

Not really sure what is happening here? looking...I dunno...strange?

Hair may not be the norm at the time but still this one makes me laugh.

Probably a point where my hair was at it's longest, with glasses?

Looking cool, developing some form of style perhaps? (I don't know what i was thinking with the hair)

 Beginning to understand how to style my hair but before my acne meds obviously.

 Hair shortening, some beauty shoting going on here, but still little acne.(Wish I didn't have freckles)

Braces still on I think? See.. no smiles.

Beauty shot again, but developing fashion and sense of style. NO BRACES!(Need new shoes...) most recent

To be continued...?

On your own? SING!

Today has been dull up until the point I lost my Internet connection. Sounds odd but being afflicted with severe and almost crippling Internet withdrawal I decided to connect my laptop to my 42" LCD TV to play my new moosaks on(courtesy of the mysterious and ever "elegant" SLB). After almost an hour of listen to "big" music the novelty wears off, so our comes the hairbrush deodorant can and the homemade karaoke system has been born!

Singing along to music, performing for an invisible wall is surprisingly fun I must say. I would upload a video but I think I would have to miss going to school for about month to live it down. Not to blow my own horn but I am a pretty mean dancer; my singing is ummm...."fantastic". It's not a normal occurrence but it's a fun thing to do when you're home alone. To be honest I would love to be a great singer but I do not ever see that becoming a reality, and maybe there is a subconscious reason behind it. it's this time of the year that I get jealous of those who can sing and can perform well onstage. I envy them every year; this year, however, will be different. I will not care, I will be happy for them and their gift and I will enjoy their performances...I hope.

Well quite frankly i think this is a poor post and will probably try and redeem myself by posting later on but for now I shall sing poker face into my can of deodorant and try and stay calm for the physics practical tomorrow. So, my final word shall be to tell you to do a little singing today and pretend you're onstage with roaring fans screaming for you. It may be childish but being childish is what's keeping me immortal. Farewell for now.

                  This is an actual picture from tonight's events. I think I went the extra mile with the costume.

James

Don't call my name.

Today I was asked a question. One that surprised me when I realised what my response was.

"If aliens attacked the earth, and the only way to save the planet was to give them 2 people from the following list, who would you choose?

1)Barack Obama
2)Stephen Hawking
3)Lady Gaga

As it turns out I'd save Lady Gaga. Barack Obama is just another politician in my eyes, he's nothing special; and Stephen Hawking is just another egg headed scientist; extraordinarily intelligent but who cares. Lady Gaga is the one with the soul of an angel, at least to me.

I was rather shocked at my own anger at my friend Mark when he started insulting the Gaga. I started defending her ferociously. I saw red when he made the remark "Lady Gaga is a man." HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT HER! HE HAS OBVIOUSLY HEARD SOME DEGENERATE SAY THAT ONCE AND HAS SIMPLY REPEATED IT LIKE A PARROT! I apologise the capitals letters were a bit much but still necessary. In recent I have discovered the surprising revelation that Lady Gaga is my role model. She is amazing. She's not just another pop starlet, or fashion suicide waiting to happen. She doesn't sing about stupid things, she doesn't dress for shock value and she doesn't forget about the public.

So many celebrities get carried away and become "celebrities", like they aren't regular people anymore. Lady Gaga can be spotted giving speeches at equality rallies, and has a volunteering program on her website where you can get tickets for her concerts. At no point do I claim to even start to understand some of her songs, and I doubt that anyone will ever really understand them unless she takes on some sort of protege. I wish I could understand her songs to a greater depth because I feel there is so much more in them for me to find; but my own interpretation is that her songs are designed for us to have our own interpretation of them and use them to our advantage that way for us to grow.

She pushed fashion past it's "elastic limit", into the plastic zone, where it will forever be changed and never return. Lady Gaga's impact on the fashion world is one that cannot be undone, but then again who would want that to happen. Personally I love fashion, even though it causes me so much stress. I hear girls say they hate boys dressing more like girls? This angers me to a supernatural degree. My main problem with this is that these same girls are the ones that go into topman and buy men's clothes and they say that it's different...This is not different, it's hypocrisy! Secondly, I see the gender divide in clothes and I wonder how it ever came about. At some point someone must have said " WOMEN MUST WEAR SKIRTS!", "MEN CANNOT DRESS EFFEMINATELY!" Trying not to make myself out to be a transvestite, but some gender is in biology alone, not fashion.

 
In conclusion, my role model is Lady Gaga for the preceding reasons. She is beautiful in every sense of the word, Mind, Body and Soul. Hopefully one day I will be able to see her in person, until then Lady Gaga will have to go without meeting me *pities Lady Gaga*.

James

P.S. SHE HAS AMAZING MUSIC VIDEOS!

The Magic has Gone.

The full story. I had written out a giant memorial dedicated to the recent passing of my friend Magic. The worlds most awesome cat that has been owned by me. It was full of emo-esque depth and depression. My firefox also died and as a result my post did not save and it was lost too. Time has passed and I have begun to heal. I miss my little cat greatly but I need to move on (not in an insensative way). Luckily you any/my few readers do not have to hear that post, one of lament and sadness. Instead you simply get this, whatever this is. I believe I will be reuinted with my cat one day and that's good enough for me. After reading "The Rainbow Bridge", my favourite poem on the death of a loved one which I shall post below, listening to some healing music, clearing my house of what she left behind and laying her to rest I am ready to move on.

  I will never forget you Magic.

                                             This picture makes me laugh everytime I see it.
                                     You ridiculous personality made me laugh a lot. Thank you.

             Back when you were a kitten, I didn't know how little time I had left with you.


    Do not stand at my grave and weep 
           by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep;

I am not there, I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die.

James

Music of Contemplation

Some thinking music I think.

Miserere Mei Deus
Any Other Name(American Beauty)  
Trois Gymnopédies: I. Lent Et Douloureux
KRWLNG (the Myleene Klass version) 
Cinema Paradiso Love Theme
The Entire album of Ludovico Einaudi/ Nightbook

Contemplation

Tonight is a night of contemplation. I'm off on "holiday", using that term loosing as holidays are meant to be fun. I try and distract myself with activities and projects. Today I saw through that, with barely anything to draw away my attention I finally confronted the truth. I feel very lonely sometimes.

I never really understood that it was possible to feel so alone when you're surrounded by people. I just assumed it was something cliche and dramatic that Hollywood imagined up; it's really possible. It's a horrible feeling. I am well aware that there are friends reading this( as well as the randomers from all over planet earth 
who take the time to read this.) And I do not want pity, I read on someones blog that they felt sorry for me sometimes. I would like to reassure you that I will be OK. I always am, and I like to think of myself as a survivor. An emotional one at least if not a physical one. Gone through enough crap that very little is new to me. Pain, hatred, anger, regret, love, longing, healing. There has been one thing that has gotten me through it all, Music. It has calmed me, healed me and made me feel loved sometimes.

I feel torn sometime between what I do and what I should do. Like telling people the truth. To be honest (irony) I sometimes think that I do certain things because I don't like the world or more specifically the people in it. I feel like I don't owe them the truth, or owe them a favour, but without getting into the psychology of it all, basically I do stupid or crazy things without thinking. It feels more like a part of my nature, if that makes sense? However it is a slumpy time right now. Strong melancholy(trying to avoid depressed because I've seen real depression) has set in and I supposed that I should take this time to think about how things are, and how they ought to be. How I wish the answer to those statements were the same.

 My current state of mind has came about through multiple means. Realisation of how much time we have left until Uni. How much work I have to do. How much people annoy me and how much I annoy myself for listening to them. General burdens. The emptiness that Shakespeare has left. Feeling like I was going to cry during my driving lesson when I couldn't do the manoeuvre. How filthy my house is, and how much I hate my mother when she complains how dirty it is when she visits.

Quite frankly, I can't think of anything to write anymore. My mind has become swamped in the marsh of contemplation.I need time to think, I think. On the plus side, Scotland next Monday!!! YEOOOO!!!...*sigh*

James

Bust Busy Busy

Since my last post things have been madness. It's very strange when you dedicate your life to one thing and nothing else for weeks.However, it is over which is kind of a relief but at the same time really sad. Knowing that the usual Shakespeare cast is no more has left me feeling rather melancholic. I do have time of other things now like any form of school work that has been left on the shelf  for the past 2 weeks; I do after all need stuff to fill the giant whole in my schedule that rehearsals have left.


Last night was our final performance in the Belfast Waterfront. I had more adrenaline than blood rushing through my veins it was incredible. I love being on stage with the piercing glare of the entire audience acting as one, like on giant black creature that is impossible to truly see with the blinding brilliance of the stage lights.

The other schools productions were... different. The first school performed the tempest in the form of a video game? Very different and interesting concept however I'm not left with that as my final thought. The thing I took away from it was "L...L...LOADING!" It tied in with their theme but took away from the actual play I thought.


Macbeth, performed by my friends in St Mary's from Newry were excellent. Their Lady Macbeth was an amazing actress who performed a dance to show her descent into madness. Their play was actually enjoyable to watch unlike the others.


Oh dear goodness...The Comedy of Errors? The plot is hard enough to follow without the entire cast being female. The entire thing was impossible to follow and when funny bits happened they felt random and out of place. I will leave you with one though for those that were there. "BAACK OFF!!!" - Said the nun?


Finally, our play. We were last in the running order, again for the 4th year running. You'd almost begin to think that there was a reason for that... Quite frankly our play (not to sound big headed of bias even though I am) was stunning. People oooh'd and and people aaah'd. Apparently people cried with laughter and others gave us a standing ovation. Our audience was spectacularly responsive and fueled our performance.


To the Athenians
You were fantastic, all of you! Emma and Kerri. You were stunning, naturally gifted actresses with talent to spare. kerri got an awwwh in her soliliquoy and that helped her to play up to the audience. Emma get her ooooh when she hit Jason in a certain place and when you got hit back by John. Jason and John. What can I say. A match made in heaven... They work so well togetehr they enjoy what they do and they are like yin and yang on stage. Their athleticism and pure talent make their fighting scenes something to behold. The realism is insane! Robert and Kaitlyn. With as few a lines as you had you were a lovely couple, and looked stunning. Mark Chambers... Well, If you forget the smiling and the looking at the audience He has the potential to be really quite good.


To the Fairies and their King and Queen.
Gary, you were strict you acted like a king. I wanted your part to begin with but I changed my mind when I made Peter Quince my own. Rachel, what can I say. You were beautiful; real and true beauty. You looked as though you were born in Eden with the help of a little make up and clever stitching by the fabulous Mrs Hackney. Amazing performance and to think of the irony. You were the queen in the shadows in Hamlet. And now you are the queen of the shadows once again. Fairies, You drove Ms T crazy, Didn't shut up, were rude, sat in the wings and complained constantly! But I would be lying if I said you didn't put on one hell of a performance last night.


To My Beloveds, The Workmen
All of you, no matter how short, how ginger, how black, how loud or how skinny you are this applies to you. You were the stars of the show. You were the ones who made people cry with laughter. The stage presence you guys made of Herculean proportions. You were divine! You were like a jigsaw, It would have been ruined with even a single one of you missing. You were 100% audience powered. The more the audience applauded, the more you became different people and the better you became. A divine and vicious circle. Ranging from transvestism to huge leaps half way across the stage. You blew the other schools out of the water


To All
You were beautiful, you made our performance a force of nature an one to be reckoned with. I am soo proud of all of you all! This being my last year? You made it the best KHS performance yet! BRAVO!!


James